Episode 16: Asking For More Intimacy

intimacy podcast relationships solo episode Nov 16, 2020

Asking For More Intimacy

This is Soul Saturations, the podcast, a transformational container to activate the light within you. I'm Kendall Merritt, your host, and the founder of Soul Saturations.

I want to give you just a little quick overview of communicating and asking for more intimacy in your relationships. As we know, communication in relationships is one of the most important topics for us to have a really healthy relationship in all areas of that. This particular example is kind of ringing true for me and quite a few of the women that I have been coaching over the last couple of weeks is how do we start to ask for more intimacy, more sexual relationships in our day to day life, especially as we look at the current state on the planet, more people are spending more time than other ever with their partners, and it's maybe not as intentional as they want it to be.

When we look at talking about intimacy and our physical relationships, it is a totally natural human desire for us to want to have a sexual relationship with our partners, because there are limitless benefits of that then of having sex with our partners. When we start to think about, okay, how do I start to ask my partner for more intimacy to really have more sex in my relationship for a lot of people having that conversation could be incredibly uncomfortable. Honor the fact that it's part of the human experience honor.

First of all, you need to reflect for you. Our sexual relationship always starts with ourself. Why do you want to have this conversation? Why do you want to have more sex? As you know, I always look through the lens of purpose, intention, and impact. So let's start off with purpose. Why would you want to have more sex in your relationship? Could be something like you want to connect deeply or honor each other and be rooted in pleasure rather than just goal oriented, quick sexual finish of reaching an orgasm. When you can start to reflect on the purpose, you're looking at, why do you want this to happen? Why do you want to have more sex, more intimacy, more physical affection.

The next piece is to reflect on your intention. How do you want to go about it? How do you want your daily interactions to be, do you want to take the time to make out and have little pleasurable moments throughout your day? Do you want a butt grab when you walk through the hallway or maybe a little tease and intimate break throughout your day, how often do you want to be having sex throughout the week? How much is going to make you feel nourished and satisfied and what type of physical intimacy do you want? Are you craving some of that slow, sensual, energetic anticipation? Or do you want things a little bit more intense and rough and maybe a little bit more excitement into your pleasure? Briefly reflect on what are those intentions in how you want to go about it, maybe even get into the intentions and how you want to communicate that to your partner when you're feeling turned on and feeling the desire to have some of that physical intimacy.

The last piece to consider is what's the impact? What are the results? What is they going to provide you as an individual and your relationship container? What would be the impact if you were to increase and step up and ramp up your physical intimacy in your relationship, are you going to feel more inspired and creative in your business and in your daily life? Are you going to feel loved and acknowledged and appreciated? Are you going to just feel that sense of joy and happiness and pleasure in our life? So as you reflect for yourself, start to look at all three of these elements, what is the purpose? Why do you desire this? What is the intention? How do you want to go about it? And what will be the impact? What is it going to provide for you and your relationship once you've done this self-reflection then you can start to have the conversation from a place of confidence with grace, as you approach your partner.

The fact that you may be a little bit uncomfortable having this conversation and ask for permission to have this conversation and a great way to say it is babe. I want to talk to you about our sexual intimacy. I know that this conversation is maybe a little bit uncomfortable and it's really important to me. When can you make this a priority? Scheduling your conversation is really important. You don't want to have this conversation as you're about to get hot and heavy in the bedroom, or if you're both tired and have had a really long day. 
You may even ask your partner ahead of time to reflect on the purpose, intention and impact of your physical intimacy and your sexual relationship ahead of time so that you can have a really effective and efficient conversation when you sit down to have the conversation.

Once you sit down and you schedule the time to have the conversation, you can always cue radical compassion saying something like, babe, thank you so much for having this conversation with me. I need you to just love me through this. And I really appreciate you being present when we are having these conversations. Listening is such a crucial element of our communication so that we can really get curious and understand where our partner's coming from, why they feel the way that we do. We may not always agree with them and we can always acknowledge them and say, I understand how you can feel that way.

Listening is hard. Acknowledging is hard and asking questions is even harder, but the way that you go about your communication will set up the success of your release. Once you've come up, you've had have this conversation and you've come up with a few ideas of things that you want to integrate into your daily life. Come up with a few actionable takeaways. Something that I always recommend when it comes to your physical intimacy and sexual relationship is to schedule uninterrupted intimacy, prioritizing that so that yes, you can put it on the schedule. You're saying, Kendall, do you want me to schedule sex? I absolutely do. Put it on your calendar and choose the perspective that you associate with it.

People always say, well, that's not sexy. If it's on the calendar and you get to choose to say, I get to have this time. It's something that you can look forward to and build the energy and anticipation throughout the week.

Showing the gratitude and saying, baby, thank you for making this a priority. It makes me feel so good. I felt so inspired when I sat down to create this content for my business. And I know it's because you and I are feeling so rock solid at this moment. So honor your physical intimacy as a huge foundation in your relationship. Show the gratitude, show the acknowledgement and show the appreciation.

We can strategize the process for you to have this conversation and what your ideal sexual experience and physical intimacy is going to look like. You can reach all the information in my show notes to schedule one of these deep dive calls, or if you're just curious about what are some other coaching options, jump on a free virtual coffee chat with me. And I would be so honored to hold this space and dive into this with you.

During today's episode we cover:

  • How to talk about intimacy in a relationship?
  • How has our current reality impacted our relationships?
  • What is the purpose of you wanting more sex?
  • What is your intention for wanting more sex?
  • How do you want your daily interactions to be with your partner?
  • What is the impact and what are the results going to provide you as an individual and your relationship container? 
  • How do you want to communicate with your partner?
  • How do we honor the human experience of uncomfortable conversations?
  • Why is it important to schedule these conversations with our partners?
  • Why should you consider scheduling in time for uninterrupted intimacy?

Memorable Moments:

  • "Once you've done this self-reflection then you can start to have the conversation from a place of confidence with grace, as you approach your partner"
  • "Listening is such a crucial element of our communication so that we can really get curious and understand where our partner's coming from"
  • "Acknowledging is hard and asking questions is even harder, but the way that you go about your communication will set up the success of your release."
  • "Show the gratitude, show the acknowledgement and show the appreciation"
In light, in love, and in gratitude, K
 
 
 
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Find out more on my website: www.soulsaturations.com
 
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