Episode 21: Pleasure Requires Intimacy and Presence

intimacy pleasure podcast Dec 21, 2020

Pleasure Requires Intimacy and Presence 

Pleasure is not just this physical sexual experience. When we think about pleasure, there are so many different ways that we can connect with and experience it within our daily life. When you start to think about pleasure, think about all the things that are pleasurable to you in your daily life, whether that's from the moment you wake up and you lay in bed and you can feel the soft warmth of the blankets, or maybe your partner laying next to you, take a moment to just inhale and bring in the sensation of pleasure.

Those little moments of pleasure throughout your day are a way to root down into presence. When you can start to focus on what feels good, you can start to be able to see pleasure in so many different areas of your life, whether that's your movement practice and how you move your body. If you are exercising or doing yoga or going for a walk, focus on how good it feels to move your body, maybe it's the food that you eat, something the way that it touches your lips, and it feels in your mouth and the taste and the flavors and how that feels as that delicious energy moves through your entire body.

When we can start to find pleasure in our daily life, it gives us permission to prioritize it. Our pleasure when we start to connect with it within our physical energy, within our physical being, we always want to prioritize our relationship to ourselves. When we can prioritize pleasure with ourselves, it allows us to show up with our partners in a deeper and more meaningful way. The first thing to start off with when we're looking at pleasure for ourselves is to have full acceptance of our body, our emotions, and who we are as energetic beings, having a human experience. We look at society today and there is so much pressure to always be happy and busy and outgoing and if we're not meeting a certain expectation of what that looks like, there can be a lot of pressure that there's no way that it can feel like pleasure, but we have to prioritize the relationship to ourself.

First, giving us permission to accept all of us, the full range of human emotions, experiences, and expression. When we start to look at our physical body, we want to give ourselves the permission to accept ourselves just as we are. There is no expectations or pressure to look a certain way or to be a certain weight or to dress a certain way. But when we can get comfortable with our own body, our own physical being, we can start to honor our relationship to ourselves just as it is. Something to start, our general exploration of our body is to just start to touch ourselves. What does your physical body feel like? Start with running your fingertips together, to start to feel your physical being, feel, the tingling sensation within your, each of your fingertips and your body, to be able to ground you into the present moment.

It can be really helpful to really root into the feeling of gratitude. This is the physical container that is carrying you through this life and these experiences are meant for you. Your body is yours and yours alone so to treat it with love, honor, gratitude, and respect will allow you to start to experience pleasure and give yourself the permission to experience this on a daily basis. As you're deepening your exploration of your physical body tune into your sexual energy, what does it feel like to feel turned on? This could be that energy that you connect with when you're on your way to your lover's house, or you're on the phone making plans to get together with your lever.

It could be something as simple as you're laying there. And you're thinking about a sexual experience that you want to have, and you start to feel that turned on orgasmic energy. Now, this is an energy that you can tap into at any point in time. And as you're connecting with this energy, start to feel that move through your body. You may notice that this turned on orgasmic energy tends to start in your sex center, your Yoni, or your womb space. As you are connecting with your sex center, start to explore your genitals. It is unique and it is unlike anybody else's. This is where you can start to get really comfortable in your own body. This is where the relationship to self begins.

Intimacy is about looking deeply at all aspects of our humanity, our full range of human emotions and intimacy exists, where perfection doesn't live. We get to look at all of the pieces that are difficult and uncomfortable, and maybe challenging the pieces that we don't want to spend time with.

When we can really open into intimacy and we can look and hold that space for ourselves, we can also hold that space for another. When we can feel fully seen, heard, understood, and received as we are in this state of the emotion that we are in, this is how we begin to create intimacy. 

When we look at intimacy, we can start to experience pleasure without judgment. All of the emotions that we experience are meant to be felt and we don't have to worry about what someone wants us to look like, sound like, or experience. We don't have to put on a performance or be able to show up in a way that isn't authentic to us.

As we are opening to this intimate relationship, it requires deep presence. Presence means being fully present in the moment, being able to notice and be aware of what's happening. If you're in a pleasurable experience with your partner, you have to be able to be present and feel what they're feeling, noticing the subtle sensations and pleasures, the changes in their breath, their sound, their movement, and how they're experiencing this pleasure presence is being able to feel the energy that is moving through this situation. One of the greatest ways to maintain presence is by making eye contact, peering into their soul, their being, and noticing the pleasure that they have and noticing the pleasure that you're experiencing it.

When we are deeply present with ourselves and with our partners, we can hold that energy and allow that energy to move the easiest way to deeply connect with intimacy presence and pleasure is by removing the goal of orgasm, removing the expectation that pleasure a goal pleasure is meant to be felt to fully allow the beautiful unfolding of what that pleasure is meant to be in the moment.

Having a relationship to pleasure in our daily life will allow us to open to deeper levels of intimacy with ourselves and our partners.

During today's episode I talk about:

  • How do we prioritize our relationship to ourselves?
  • Why it's important to feel comfortable with our physical bodies in order to receive intimacy and we present?
  • How do we explore our physical bodies?
  • How do we experience pleasure without judgment?
  • How can we maintain presence during intimacy? 
  • What does intimacy look like?
  • When we look at intimacy, we can start to experience pleasure without judgement.

Memorable Moments:

  • "When we can prioritize pleasure with ourselves, it allows us to show up with our partners in a deeper and more meaningful way."
  • "Giving us permission to accept all of us, the full range of human emotions, experiences, and expression. When we start to look at our physical body, we want to give ourselves permission to accept ourselves just as we are."
  • "Intimacy is about looking deeply at all aspects of our humanity, our full range of human emotions and intimacy exists, where perfection doesn't live. "Having a relationship to pleasure in our daily life will allow us to open to deeper levels of intimacy with ourselves and our partners."

In light, in love, and in gratitude, K

 

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