Episode 11: Activating your Relationship with Curious Communication, feat. Heidi B

 

In this 4 week intensive we will cover all things Boundaries, Communication, Healthy Sexual Foundations, and Magnetizing and Manifesting Your Ideal Partnership. Whether you are single or partnered… this is for you!

 

What’s curious communication? That is an excellent question… and by asking this question, already practicing curious communication! Communication is such a fundamental skill to have in all areas of your life… and although we spend our entire lives communicating, it doesn’t necessarily mean we are AS EFFECTIVE as we could be.

 

 

Kendall: We're going to talk about how do we make communication sexy, because I think it can be very sexy. So when we think about communication and this is so fundamental in so many areas of our life, and so, especially in the dating and relationship world, we've got to start with communication. One of the things that I love to kind of riff on and talk about when it comes to communication is this beautiful idea of self-awareness. When we have self-awareness, I mean, self-awareness is a gift, I think some people have it, some people don't, but this is a great place to do some self-reflection and bring in the idea of self-awareness and start to look at your communication skills. Because if you don't have self-awareness, you may think that you are a better communicator than you actually are.

 

Heidi: I am not a great communicator. It is something I have to practice all the time, because sometimes those of us that have this personality, this outgoingness, this verboseness, we end up making things so complicated for whoever it is we're trying to talk to because it's like we just add more words to the messaging and it gets like murkier and murkier and murkier. For somebody like me, one of the things I learned to practice in communication as a result of my self-awareness is that I got to keep it simple.

 

Kendall: We started to talk about that last week in our formula for setting boundaries. But I think is really powerful is when we're doing that self reflection is to start and reflect on what are you feeling and really starting to identify what that actually is so that you can really determine what you need. What, what is that thing that you need to communicate or that you need in a certain situation.

 

Heidi: The other thing that you mentioned in the intro to this part of the module is idea of, when we're activated, how do we communicate about stuff when we're really activated or we're having an argument? How do we know if that's the right timing to like keep going with it or if we need to step away from it. I feel like one of my favorite tools here is something called striking when the iron is cool. If you're having a disagreement with your person, the guy you're dating, you're the guy you're married to, the guy, you, whatever your person, you can just go, you know, let's call it quits  for the argument, not in the relationship, let's hit the pause button. I need to regroup we're not getting anywhere and then you can go, you know, journal, talk to your girlfriends, vent, get some clarity around what it is that you're feeling, what it is that you need. Then like a week or in two weeks, you can circle back and say, Hey, I really do need to make some time for us to talk about what happened a week ago. So when would that be good for you?

 

Kendall: It pulls in that self-awareness piece is recognizing when you're being effective and when you're not being effective. And it doesn't mean that you're giving up on the conversation. It just means that you want to make sure it's landing.

 

Intimacy is really in the revealing of those wounds and those challenges, and actually digging deep to go into those deeper conversations. And so all you can really create that environment starts with that, getting curious and sometimes, we're never taught how to be a great communicator. It's something that we just expect to figure out as we live life and it doesn't always work out that way.

I think the other component to consider too is energetically. When we look at the masculine and feminine energy, we have this inner marriage of that energy within ourselves, but then we also have to think about the polarity that we create with our partners. A lot of times when we jump into that fixed it mode, it tends to be more in that masculine energy, which is where we can get the head budding. How do you create the polarity to increase your, your energy together? And the highest level of sexual energy comes when you have polarity within your relationships and you have to have that communication as a foundation for all of that too.

 

Heidi: This is just a little taste of polarity because Kendall knows what she's talking about when it comes to the masculine-feminine polarity, and it matters. In order to get more of it, you're gonna have to sign up for our November intensive.

 

 

 

 

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