Episode 26: Sexual Communication for Pleasure Exploration with Vanessa Smith

communication intimacy pleasure Jan 25, 2021

Sexual Communication for Pleasure Exploration with Vanessa Smith

Kendall: I am so excited to introduce you today to my new friend, Vanessa. She is the founder of Pleasure Exploration, and we have connected as just two really super passionate advocates for sexuality and we're just going to have a really super juicy conversation. This is an opportunity for us to get together so welcome, Vanessa.  

Vanessa: Thank you for allowing me in your space and I've just been, so looking forward to this and really excited to get to know you better.

Kendall: Let's just jump right in. Tell us a little bit about you and how you show up in the world and what is your mission with pleasure exploration?

Vanessa: I want to start off that, you know, being forced in lockdown, quarantine back in San Francisco, you know, I had all this time on my hands being able to work. Full-time remotely said, you know what? This is now or never to really dive into the work that I really truly care about, which is pleasure. It's such a blessing in disguise to be able to have that extra time, you know, to really invest into creating my own business, which pleasure exploration really all the work that I do focuses on combating the sexual shame, trauma, judgment stigma, what have you, and really being able to create that safe space for all people to come together and openly discuss anything and everything to do with sexual health. I just feel like it's my passion to help people create those awesome, exciting relationships with their sex lives, their partners, and especially themselves. It's just been such a journey to connect with amazing individuals and like yourself.

Kendall: Tell me a little bit about what you did in the Bay area with your nonprofit work. What did you do before?

Vanessa: I've worked with the boys and girls clubs of San Francisco for several years and I work predominantly with middle school youth. When you were just expressing that, you know, we really should be born with, you know, just the knowledge and freedom to be our sexual selves. It's, it's been very fascinating to have worked with, you know, young people for so long and now to transition with working with adults, you know, 18 plus. I think that's been one of the most fascinating parts about pleasure expression in the work that I do, because I feel so thrilled to be able to connect with any person, you know, no matter their age, their background, their identity, sexual orientation does not matter.If you're someone that's really looking to tap into the pleasure and expand and learn and how to break down all the negative behaviors and thoughts that may come with it because of our upbringing or because of how society has put it upon us, it's just been so amazing to, to feel just, you know, I feel like that's what drives me each and every day to have that opportunity to connect with a person who's really looking to do that work.

We are ever evolving, like, right. We're switching up our preferences, whatever, and we have every right to do so. Okay.

Kendall: I love that! The book that I want to write and I'm starting to write this year is for like younger children so that they can have that but really the focus is parent coaching giving it to the adults, because as you said, it's like, as adults, we have to know this is for, for anyone. I think that's, what's hard is like being a business owner. It's like niche down and I'm like, no pleasure. And sex is for everyone. Like this is for all people. Being able to give adults the skills and tools to work through it for themselves, but then to be able to raise that next generation of conscious lovers and people who are going to show up and like raise the consciousness of the planet overall.

Kendall: Let's talk a little bit about like shame and judgment and how we start to create a safe space for that. Because I do think that that's one of those common things is like, Oh my gosh, how do I remove some of that shame? Like, I'm feeling this like guilt shame kind of thing. What's your process? How do you start to create that conversation with the people you serve?

Vanessa: I think, you know, a lot to do with the conversations and starting off by really evaluating where we've been, how our relationship has been with our sexuality as an adolescent, you know, how have we viewed it? How has our upbringing, like, you know, in terms of just talking about sex, you know, was it condemned, you know, was it embraced and looking into where we currently are at ha how are we clearly feeling, um, towards our sexuality or sensuality, what comes up for us? And then ultimately looking into the future, you know, where do we want to be when it comes to our sexual health and how do we want to show up in the world and helping people go through that process and really breaking down kind of like a timeline and bringing up those very special events or, you know, things that have occurred in our life that really stood out those watermarks and really, you know, creating that space for like, wow, that did happen to me when I was a kid. And that actually really does shape how I show up in the world every day.

Kendall: If you think about that whole journey of your experience so far, like from just, you know, naturally embodying your sexuality and being super confident in your pleasure, through your journey of self-pleasure and master patient and that, how has that impacted other areas in your life, in how you show up?

Vanessa: I would say all my relationships are impacted by how I feel when it comes to my sexuality, my sensuality. I feel like I went through one of the biggest revelations, you know, last year when I did end a long-term relationship that was no longer serving me and it was major for me to really kind of reached that point of like, Hey, look, I need to end something. Although I thought it would be something really good for the long haul. Like I'm no longer growing. I no longer feel comfortable to be myself when it comes to my sexuality, my sensuality, and feeling fearful to just explore it and this and that. So it was a big deal for me to really come to that point and release myself from that relationship. Now in my everyday life, I truly have, you know, a more confident walk the way I just approach every day things and just being like, you know what, I'm not going to let any person or anything stop me from being myself and myself is a sexual being and I should feel everyone should feel free to be themselves. I no longer felt that safety in that relationship. I just feel like, you know, really coming to the terms of that finally letting go, I just feel like my entire world has changed and this is like last year, you know? it hasn't even been that long of a time and I'm still truthfully, you know, going through my own constantly, you know, evolutions, personal growth and so forth. I'll just say that I'm just so looking forward to continuing to growing and continuing to learn how to love myself and accept myself, you know, I am a bisexual and I'm now in a very happy, committed, monogamous relationship with a male bodied individual.

Kendall: What are, if you think about, you know, pleasure and sexuality and all of the different layers of what that looks like, what are some of the things about sexuality, sex and pleasure that you love to talk about that are maybe not as commonly shared or discussed?

Vanessa: One of the top topics that I enjoy discussing with, whether it be client from a one-on-one virtual setting or just with anyone definitely is sexual communication, you know, focusing on that in your relationship. It is just so critical. And I really love to be able to dive deep into that realm, um, especially with folks in relationships and we're folks that are looking to, you know, find a partnership, but that is an area I really truly love. Self-pleasure masturbation. I am such an advocate. It's just one of the best experiences on the planet and I think everyone needs to just dive deep into it. Definitely helping folks to really kind of explore and open up the conversation around that. I am such an advocate also for folks to explore their inner most sexual desires

During today's episode we talk about:

  • What is Pleasure Exploration and how did Vanessa start her business?
  • Why it is so important to talk to children about sexuality?
  • Why it is important to have difficult conversations around sex with their children?
  • How do you remove shame around your sexuality?
  • Why it's important to reflect on your past in order to remove shame?
  • How has Vanessa's experience impacted other areas of her life and how she shows up?
  • Why sexual communication is critical in a relationship?

Memorable Moments:

  • "I think that's been one of the most fascinating parts about pleasure expression in the work that I do, because I feel so thrilled to be able to connect with any person, you know, no matter their age, their background, their identity, sexual orientation does not matter." -Vanessa
  • "We each have our own journeys and purposes and things that we're supposed to do in life. Being able to just know for yourself, I think that's what our sexuality does. It allows us to meet ourselves in that most deeply intimate way. And that gives us the confidence and the courage to show up and say, I deserve all of these things" -Kendall

Connect with Vanessa:

In light, in love, and in gratitude, K

   

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Find out more on my website: www.soulsaturations.com

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