Episode 52: Is (The Person I’m Dating) THE ONE?

Is (The Person I’m Dating) THE ONE?

Welcome back to another episode of soul saturations, the podcast. I'm so honored to be back with you again today. And I am just really loving channeling down these podcasts as they come intuitively based on what the themes are that I'm working with my clients and things that are alive in my life.

One of the themes that's been coming up a lot in my conversations this week with clients, with friends, with past clients and people who are looking to step into containers with me is how do I know if the person that I'm dating is the one. Now this is one of those things that we talk about all the time. It's something that we, we are constantly thinking about. Is he the one? Is she the one should I be putting in this work? Should I end it? Should I keep going? Where do I go? And personally, this is something that Matt and I have been through a lot over our last three years together. And guess what? We're human it's normal. It's something that of course we're going to do. I want to start us off with one kind of spoiler alert.

There is no such thing as the one. There are hundreds of people out there, thousands of people out there that could be the one, but what it takes for a commitment and a partnership and a healthy relationship is that it takes a foundation of love, a desire to be together and a commitment to do the work. Now here's the key thing. You actually have to do the work together. That means doing your own individual work, working on yourselves to grow and to evolve and to be the highest version of yourself. But that also means coming as a partnership and evolving and growing together. So something that can happen when we're dating is we get kind of like two ends of the spectrum here. We'll get this beautiful resonance where you're great friends. You're great. And going through life together, you have an easy flowing partnership, but the sexual spark is a little bit missing.

When we're in partnership, we need elements of resonance and that flow and that ease because we have life. We have to show up, we've got a lot of to do in life. We've got big missions and big purposes. And you know, the world runs on groceries and daily things, daily minutiae things. We have to actually get done. So there's nothing wrong with resonance. There's nothing wrong with being great friends. Then you can look on the other end of the spectrum, where some partners will fall in this like delicious, intimate sexual passion. But outside of that sexual intimacy, Missy, they're lacking the foundation that resonance, that daily experience. Now, when we start to think about healthy partnerships and relationships, in order to have the greatest amount of sexual energy, we need to have polarity. One person has to amplify that masculine energy and one person has to surrender into the feminine.

Now you may be saying, but okay, isn't sexual energy just for the bedroom. As you know, I talk about how our sexual energy is that life force energy. It's our vitality. It's the energy that we get to capitalize on and connect with to have these juicy, delicious, healthy partnerships. So that energy shows up for us in every area of our life and when we can really start to connect with our sexual energy, it's going to magnetize and really impact every area of our life, whether that's our business or family relationships, our romantic partnerships, of course, wherever we are connecting with our true essence and our true sexual energy and looking for ways to create polarity within our life. We're going to experience more, love, more passion, more purpose, more presence. As we look at this idea of is this person that I'm dating, the one we have to start with identifying what our desires, what do we want a relationship to look like, to feel like?

What does a healthy relationship look like? Feel like, and what do I want to experience? Because so often we get in these relationships and it's great when it's great, but it's bad when it's bad. And this is one of my key things that I always work with clients on is my three rules. Number one, don't settle. If you are in a partnership or relationship where it's, half of the time, that's not good. You want to be able to be in a flow where, you know, you have a foundation of love and you're committed to do the work together. The second rule is, feel honored. If you feel like your basic human respect is non-existent or you're being dishonored and feeling just like that, that your core essence as your soul, as your being is being disrespected or dishonored, that's not a reason for you to stay in a partnership or relationship.

Then the third rule it is of course, how fun we are here on this life, on this planet to do big things. And it gets to be fun. It gets to be easy. It gets to feel good. When we start to think about this, as we're identifying our healthy relationships, remember, don't settle, feel honored, have fun. Now we also have to honor our past experiences, our karma, our conditioning, our subconscious thought patterns. These things are ingrained in our DNA. Our karma runs so deep. These are patterns that we have been experiencing our entire lives that have been passed down to us from generation to generation. So guess what? You're human. You've got a lot of work to do in this life to change, to shift those patterns and to become the best version of you. As you're looking at this idea of is he or she, the one is this person that I'm dating somebody that I want to continue dating, then I want to commit to, well, we have to consider all of these different elements, all these different aspects.

Do you have great resonance? Do you have great sexual chemistry? Are you settling? Are you feeling honored? Are you really having a good time, then honor your own past experiences, your karma. And they, they also have their own set of karma. They have their own set of past experiences and conditioning. So giving some grace to the human element, we're human, we've got a lot of work to do. And then when we bring two people together, there's just that much more to add elements of complication and challenges and beautiful, delicious, gorgeous opportunity. We have to start with this, this idea of, do we want to do the work together, but it goes deeper than there's more things to consider. How's, we're, we're really reflecting on this. The first element that I think is so important to reflect on, as you're trying to identify is this person that I'm dating somebody I want to commit to you don't have to start off with identifying your needs.

What do I need to fully surrender and give all of my love to you forever. Now you may not be thinking forever and that's okay too. But I think that's a really powerful place to start is if you're thinking about this person who is your life partner, that you want to commit to, that you've maybe put a couple years in a couple of months and do your partnership and relationship and you're like, do I keep doing this? Or do I get out? Well, start with you. What are your needs? What do I need to fully surrender and give all of my love to you forever. As you can start to identify your needs, that could be things like physical affection. It could be things like acknowledgement of how you show up in life and your purpose, and being able to go on adventures together and be spontaneous, or it could be that you need to feel financially safe and supported.

You need a foundation of trust and respect. All those things really dig in and start to identify your needs. And if you can look at your needs and start to say, what are my top three needs that I have to have met in a partnership, in a relationship to feel like I can fully be in it. This is your needs, not what you think their needs are going to be, or you, what you think they might want to hear. This is for you. What do you need to fully surrender and give all of your love to you forever. Once you've started to identify these needs and you have the conversation with this person, you're dating, you say, I want to be able to share what I really need in order to surrender and give all of my love to you forever. Can I share this with you?

They say, yes, you set a time. You set a container, you really prepare for the conversation. So the first question that you ask after you communicate your needs is do you want to meet these needs? You're asking this person that you're dating. Do you actually want to give me all of these things? Do you want to show up? Really, as my partner gives me these things, and this needs to be a full bodied. Yes, absolutely. All in. We talk a lot about the four energy centers in your body, your head, heart, your gut or sex center. They need to feel a full bodied. Yes. In being able to meet those needs for you. And then the second, the question that you ask is, can you meet them? So can this person that you're dating actually meet your needs? Is it within their spiritual, physical, mental, emotional capacity to meet those needs?

One of the things that has we're looking at those I ability to meet your needs is each person, again, has to be able to, to resource themselves doing their own work. So being able to work with a coach to do their own healing, to be able to go to therapy, go to women's circles or men's groups or whatever that is so that they have their own support. We each need to be able to resource ourselves. In this conversation of identifying your needs, you'll also need to know what your partner's needs are. What do they need to fully surrender and give all of their love to you forever. And when they're sharing their needs, guess what? You actually have to listen and like really attentively, listen and focus. As you are listening, tune in to that energy of, within your body and say, do I want to meet these needs for my partner?

Is it a full bodied? Yes, absolutely. I want to be able to meet these and then can you meet them now again, we're going to honor the fact that we're human. We've got to be able to do our own work. It may take some effort to do the work, to meet these needs, but there are situations where it is not within our actual capacity to meet these needs. And that's where we come back to those three rules. In the very beginning of don't settle. If they, if they've been going to therapy, going to men's groups or women's circles, if they have been seeing a coach and committing to do this work, but the actions don't change. And that's been going on for six months, a year, a few months, there's no set timeframe, but you gotta tune in to say, is this person actually able to meet my needs if they don't have the capacity to do so, you are settling in that relationship.

You are not honoring your own self-worth and that's a place for you to step out, create space and honor what you need. Now it's not to say that this person can't do the to figure out how to make a change and come back and you could have a partnership together, but you have to honor your own needs and desires first. Because again, when we're looking at our needs, knowing what clarity with certainty, what our needs are first knowing does the other person actually want to meet them? I can't tell you how many partners have, uh, people that I've worked with have communicated. They've said, this is what I need. I need you to be able to identify us as this. I need you to show up like this. I need you to love me like this. This is what I'm here. This is what I, how I'm opening and expressing from my heart.

The other person doesn't want to meet the needs. You can't stay in something. If the other person doesn't want to be there too. Starting with those needs is really important. Because again, we're looking at two human beings, two beautiful energy souls that are having a really human experience, which guess what? If you haven't gotten the latest note, being a human on the planet at this moment in time is not easy. So the fact that you, you are here right now, when you are listening to this podcast means that you are here to do some serious. Give yourself some grace. You're here to do the work. You're here to shine light. You are here to be the change in this new world that we are creating and it's not easy. So give yourself a little bit of grace here. So as we're looking at, okay, is this person that I'm dating the one coming back, coming back to our focus podcasts.

Do you have the foundation of love? And do you have the desire and the commitment to do this work together? So when we look at the idea of devotion versus commitment, we can commit, but it brings in a certain energetic component to be fully devoted. So we're not just devoted to our needs or the needs of our partners. This is where we start to bring in the divine. When we are devoted, we are devoted to love. We are here to be devotional, to love, to serve, love, to serve the divine, the God and goddess that exists within us, that beautiful light of being devotional to love. If this is what you are choosing to be devoted to in partnership, you are responsible for them. Flow of love. You are responsible for the flow of love, being devotional all to love. What that takes is that internal responsibility and accountability, to be responsible to that.

The best way to do that is having, having clarity of your intention and quality of your energy in the moment. So let's talk a little bit about this clarity of intention here. You know, that I always say, we've got to reflect on why we're showing up in the first place. What is the intention? Using the framework of what's the purpose, why do you want to be in this partnership? Why do you want to be devotional to love? How are you going to show up? What are your actual intentions? How do you want to be perceived in the moment? How do you want to perceive your partner? How do you want to take action and really shine your light with that clarity of your intention? And when you show up with the clarity of that intention, what's the impact going to be? That's going to help you get clarity is saying, well, when I show up like this, this is how my partner is gonna feel.

When I show up in this moment, this is what the energy of the moment is going to feel like. Then the next element that we're looking at in our, our responsibility for the flow of love is the quality of the energy that we bring is your heart and soul in it. Are you showing up with a hundred percent energy that pure integrity, that quality of your energy is it of the light? Is it of the highest? Is it pure radiant and in integrity? We are responsible for the flow of love, with the clarity of our intention and the quality of our energy. Now this is something that we want to be able to anchor in moment to moment. When we start to think about this as a whole partnership, a whole relationship, a lifetime together can feel really overwhelming. If you have looked at all of these things that we've talked about of, okay, you know, we've got the foundation of love.

I want to be with this person. I really want to be with this person. And I know that we're committed to doing that. The work together, I'm going to honor the fact that we're human beings on the planet at this moment of time, we are these perfect radiant souls that are so capable, but we're moving through our karma and our human experience. You can recognize your needs, you understand what they are, your partner wants to meet them and they're able to, well, now let's focus on how the do you actually stay together? How do you actually be with the person that you supposedly want to be with? You have to focus moment to moment creating polarity. Coming back to that sexual energy that we talked about at the very beginning of this podcast is that sexual energy, that life force energy needs to be present moment to moment in your interactions so that you can have the greatest amount of sexual energy and vitality and life force and living this turned on juicy, delicious relationship.

Now this element has really hit home for me this week, thinking about how I choose to be responsible for the flow of love. Now I'm the better practitioner in my partnership and relationship with Matt. I'm the sex and relationship coach. I devote my life to studying this work and helping share this information and evolving and growing and being an endless learner. I have the greater responsibility moment to moment to be responsible, to love when I get stuck in my humanness, when I get stuck in my karma and I miss that responsibility, and I'm not keeping that as my greatest intention, our love suffers our relationship suffers. I have to be the one to be responsible to the flow of love. I have to think about what is the clarity of my intention in this moment. And that could be something as simple as when I finished working and we're spending time this evening, cooking dinner and playing with our dogs.

What is the clarity of my intention for this time together, the next two hours, the next three hours? And what is the quality of the energy that I want to bring again, I am responsible for the flow of love, just like you. What is the clarity of your intention in that moment and what is the quality of your energy going to be in that moment? This could be a lovemaking session. This could be cooking dinner. This could be going grocery shopping together, but really thinking about if I am responsible for the flow of love, what is the clarity of my intention and the quality of my energy, because it's my responsibility to be in the flow of love, to be in pleasure in my body. I'm the feminine partner here. I need to be dropped into pleasure in my body. I need to be expressing from my heart moment to moment.

I need to be awakening the consciousness and the divine presence out of my partner. That is my responsibility. When I get frustrated, stuck in my humanness, I get in my head, I get stuck in my more thinking masculine brain. I'm not honoring that flow of love. I'm not being responsible for the greatest amount of sexual energy. That's possible moment to moment. As you're thinking about is this person that I'm dating the one there's a lot to consider. It doesn't matter how many soul contracts you have or past lifetimes you've spent together. We each have free. Well, it is a choice to do the work together and you have to have all of these elements to add together as a component, to be able to show up and have a delicious, honoring, healthy relationship. And if you're listening to this, if you have this desire within your heart and your soul know that you are so worthy, you deserve everything that your heart is yearning for. And so much more you are so worthy.

If this is something that you are thinking through, if you were dating someone and you, you want support in having a healthy, delicious soul centered partnership, I can help you because guess what? We don't know what we don't know. We are human and we sure have not been modeled. What a healthy partnership and relationship looks like. There are things that may be happening in your partnership and relationship that is creating resonance or de polarizing your relationship.

I'm telling him I've got great intentions of how I want our relationship to evolve, but the impact, right, coming back to the impact, the impact is that when I show up in that energy, it depolarizes our relationship. This actual energy goes out the window, and nobody wants that. We don't know what we don't know. Honor. Your humanity honor, where you're at, knowing that where you are is absolutely perfect for you. And if this is something that is a desire in your heart and soul is to have a beautiful partnership that is polarized and turned the on. It's already yours. It's just about pulling down the veil, doing the work, knowing what you need to do to be able to be in the best relationship you can possibly be in. And we're human. It takes a lot of work. You're not meant to do this alone.

During today's episode we talk about:

• What foundation do you need to have for your relationship to be the one?
• How do you have the greatest amount of sexual energy in your partnership?
• Why do your needs matter?
• How can you be devotional to love?
• And how do we honor the human experience through it all?
   

Memorable Moments:

• "There is no such thing as the one. There are hundreds of people out there, thousands of people out there that could be the one, but what it takes for a commitment and a partnership and a healthy relationship is that it takes a foundation of love, a desire to be together and a commitment to do the work."

In light, in love, and in gratitude, K 

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