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Episode 36: Sexy Soul Series with Kelcy Valletta: Find Pleasure

Uncategorized Apr 05, 2021

Sexy Soul Series with Kelcy Valletta: Find Pleasure

Kendall: Welcome to our new mini series, where Kelcy and I are going to be speaking all things, sexuality. We wanted to bring you a super honest, super real, super vulnerable conversation where we just get to chat and connect and talk, all things, sexuality, and wherever conversation is going to going is where we like to go...

Kelcy: ...I think it's like, you have to think of your mind, like any other muscle in your body, right? It's like, well, exercise will well do strength, training conditioning and like we'll rest our bodies, right? It's like, if you have an exercise routine, you make sure you have a rest day, you're taking care of your body. But with our mind, we don't really do that. It's just kind of like always go, go, go. And if you think about it, even at night, when we're sleeping and resting our body, like our mind is not asleep. Our mind is creating stories for us. We're dreaming, like it's nonstop. So I think that like, I love that this is the, the topic you brought up because like, I've never thought of it like this before, but I think you're so right. Like you cannot experience pleasure to the degree that you deserve. Right. Really, unless you really actively, you know, intentionally rest your mind.

Kendall: We talk a lot about the word, like being embodied. What does it mean to like embody your purpose, embody your presence. It is literally meaning, like get in your body. So when we are, so in our minds, we miss the wisdom that our bodies have to offer us. And when we look at pleasure, pleasure is the subtle sensations. I think if we look at the way, society talks a lot about pleasure. We get this idea that pleasure has to be this like big experience. It's like, Oh, you rest your body. When you take a whole self care day. And like, you have to go like go to the spa and go get a massage and do all those things. And those are beautiful. you like, of course, all the self-care days, but the moments of pleasure that we can find exist in our bodies, always, we just have to open up, open our experience to start to feel I'm in connect with those textures.

Kelcy: In our day to day, like where can you find those moments of pleasure in your day to day without having to plan a whole fancy day around it? Like, what can you do?  

Kendall: I've got a whole list of pleasure practices, but let's say, cause I think they're kind of, sometimes there are things that we do consciously. Sometimes there are things we do consciously. So what are the little moments that we can bring consciousness and awareness to pleasure in our day to day?

Kelcy: Well, the first thing that is coming to my mind when you, when you bring this up is not even, I mean, of course sexual pleasure is part of it, but just talking about pleasure in general, I made a commitment to myself this year and so far it's going well, but I know I can still do better. We're working on this that like, I'm only doing things that make me happy and, and going off of that, like one step further, really you could say that, you know, brings me pleasure. It's like, I'm really trying to surround myself with the people and environments that bring me pleasure, like getting outside. It's like, I'm eating the foods that bring me pleasure. Like, I, I like, I will make people uncomfortable if I like not on purpose, but if I'm like out to lunch with a friend or something, like I'm ordering what sounds good and I'm enjoying myself while I'm eating it.

I've committed myself to that mindset this year. Like I'm only doing things that really bring me pleasure and you know, that, you know, cause I'm, I'm a single woman. That also kind of ties into my dating life. It's like, unless you really light me up, like it's not even worth my energy. Like I'm not putting my energy into it. I'm I'm going to only be focusing on things that bring me pleasure. I feel like, I dunno, I feel like that was a long, a long explanation of my day-to-day life, but like, it's just like the mindset I've tried to be. And so far this year we've been what, three months in. it's like every day I try to remind myself like, okay, you're only doing things that make you happy. Like you're only is this bringing you pleasure if it's not worth their time.

Kendall: I think it takes what I love about what you're doing and making this a practice is it's taken here, your devotion, your commitment, like your constant commitment to say, this is what I'm going to create my life around. And you've looked at that as the energy and the intention that you're bringing to it. But the reason that you're doing it, the why behind it, right. We talk a lot about purpose is like, why does that feel? You the up. It makes, it makes you radiant. It makes you so much more expansive as a human being. And it attracts people to you like the why's behind it are incredible. When you think about the impact of like, how am I going to feel when I show up with this energy, how am I going to feel when I absolutely am only doing things that light my soul on fire that feels pleasurable.

One of the things that I love when people are like, that's great, Kelsey, but how the do I do that? Like, do you know how busy my life is? Right? Like of course we all get there. We're busy. We have lives. We have jobs, we have careers, we have children, we have partners or dogs or whatever. That may be my dogs in the back. She's like, Oh, why did she lock me in the office? Um, but when we can actually slow down and bring some conscious awareness to it, we get to see all the opportunities to create pleasure in our life. So when we're really looking to find pleasurable opportunities, it's like slow down in the morning when you're making your coffee or a cup of tea. And like, how can that experience feel pleasurable? How can you feel pleasure in your body? 

Kelcy: You say, when you're making your coffee in the morning, like slow down, where can you find pleasure in this moment? And you know, if you can find pleasure in those days, like day-to-day moments like those little moments that make up your every day, then imagine the pleasure that you'll be able to experience with somebody else when you are connecting, like to like, if two people are intentionally experiencing pleasure individually in their own ways and their day-to-day life. Like imagine what that pleasure experience will be like when they come together.

Kendall: One of the things I love to think about any emotion, any sensation right now, we're talking about this idea of pleasure, but what is the, the feeling or the sensation underneath that, like underneath...so when you think about the feeling of pleasure can act with the energy underneath that. That underneath every feeling, whether it is grief, whether it is joy, whether it is anger or happiness, there is, there's an energy underneath it and that's that life force energy. When we tap into our sexual energy that essentially cheesily these amazing she's like tapped into pleasure. 

There is a life force underneath every energy. So when you're, let's say making your coffee in the morning and you're slowing down and you're, you're just paying attention show. Like you're watching the grinds, like fall to the bottom of the French press. And as you pour it in, you can take a moment to smell what that coffee smells like. And as you pour your creamer in, you can watch the clouds. And like, you're just taking the time to notice it. But as you drop even deeper into that sensation, you're connecting with that life force energy, that feeling that exists and connects all of us. So like our pleasure is just as powerful as our grief or our sensations that we don't always take notice of. And that's when we can bring conscious awareness to it, we get to like really feel it and feel the sensations and feel what that feels like on a surface level. 

Kelcy: What are some of your day-to-day like pleasure practices that you incorporate?

Kendall: I love starting my day with a meditation and an embodiment practice. So I have really lately just been tapping into the energy of dance. That energy of dance has been really pleasurable for me and I've noticed that sense. I've been making that part of my consistent practice. I can tap into that energy in the middle of the day. So maybe I get overwhelmed or I look at my emails and I'm like, Oh my gosh, there's so much to get to. Or I'm doing a project that feels really big and it was requiring a lot of energy. I take five minutes. I put on a song, whatever energy is like really moving. And I move into that, that sensation. And I just reach out for it. I'm looking to touch whatever energy and feeling. If I'm feeling overwhelmed, like how do I start to move that energy with my body? And that has been such a beautiful way to get grounded and stay in the present moment. I love going outside and here in Phoenix where we're both located in Phoenix, Scottsdale area, it's like sunny all the time.

Kelcy: What I love everything that you brought up was kind of this idea of moving energy through your body and I know you talk about this a lot and that is actually something I'm trying to be more intentional of recently as well, because it really is incredible. Like what, just taking five minutes to dance to some music can do like for your heart, for your mind. Like it can instantly change your mood, like getting, getting outside, going on a walk with your dog, going on a run. Like sometimes that energy just needs to move through you. Because sometimes like energy does get, especially when you're trying to get so much done, especially when you're a high achiever, it's like you have all these goals to do lists no matter who you are.

Whether you own a business, whether you have a job, you're a mom, like there's so much on your mind that like just being able to figure out a fun way. And I think that's important too, is like a way that's fun for you to move energy. Cause like, if you hate running, please do not go on a run. You know? Like you're not going to enjoy that. There's nothing pleasurable about that. Like finding a pleasurable way to move energy through your body. And I love that. That's like such a big part of your day.

Kendall: I think that's a great place where we can kind of like put a challenge or put a box is be like, what are a couple of things that you can do every day to find pleasure and move that energy through your body? Because also I guess before we go there, the thing that's pinging in to talk about right now is how many women or people have you worked with that are like, Ooh, pleasure. Like, I don't always need pleasure. Sometimes we get that little thing where it's like, Oh, you don't, I don't need to focus on pleasure. Like, Oh, that's for special occasions. Do you vibe with that at all?

Kelcy: I think we all need to focus on pleasure. I don't think we can have too much pleasure at all. I don't think that that's possible. And I think that, I think that within reason, anything that we are struggling with will instantly become lighter for us if we focus on pleasure.

Kendall: Pleasure is a beautiful thing. We all deserve it. It is our divine birthright to experience pleasure as human beings. Like we have these physical bodies to feel for a reason and pleasure is our doorway and our key to really open up a channel to the divine in our highest self. And so when we think about why does pleasure matter?

I think some of the simple things that are great is sometimes we need little reminders to focus on pleasure. When you're doing a new practice, you're doing something it's like picking those little things that you can do that takes 60 seconds or less. And you're like, okay, once a day, I'm going to do this. So anyone who's listening right now put a calendar reminder. I actually, that's the thing that works for me. If that doesn't work for you. That's great to put a sticky note. Yeah. Look at us. We're like, I'm like sticky notes in the mirror calendar reminder, but like find pleasure. That's all you need to say. Like find pleasure. Where can I find pleasure? Make it part of your morning ritual, make it part of your evening ritual.

Find one thing that brought you pleasure in the day doesn't even have to be in the moment.

During today's episode we talk about:

  • Why it is important to be more mindful?
  • What does it mean to be embodied?
  • How can pleasure be subtle?
  • Where can you find those moments of pleasure in your day-to-day?
  • How is life force underneath every energy? 
  • What are some of Kelcy & Kendall's day-to-day pleasure practices? 
  • Why is pleasure so important? How can you incorporate it into your routine?

Memorable Moments:

  • "I think it's like, you have to think of your mind, like any other muscle in your body, right? It's like, well, exercise will well do strength, training conditioning and like we'll rest our bodies, right? It's like, if you have an exercise routine, you make sure you have a rest day, you're taking care of your body. But with our mind, we don't really do that. It's just kind of like always go, go, go. And if you think about it, even at night, when we're sleeping and resting our body, like our mind is not asleep. Our mind is creating stories for us." - Kelcy
  • "We talk a lot about the word, like being embodied. What does it mean to like embody your purpose, embody your presence. It is literally meaning, like get in your body. So when we are, so in our minds, we miss the wisdom that our bodies have to offer us. And when we look at pleasure, pleasure is the subtle sensations. I think if we look at the way, society talks a lot about pleasure. We get this idea that pleasure has to be this like big experience." -Kendall
  • "When we can actually slow down and bring some conscious awareness to it, we get to see all the opportunities to create pleasure in our life." -Kendall
  • "I think we all need to focus on pleasure. I don't think we can have too much pleasure at all. I don't think that that's possible. And I think that, I think that within reason, anything that we are struggling with will instantly become lighter for us if we focus on pleasure." -Kelcy

Connect with Kelcy:

In light, in love, and in gratitude, K

 

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Find out more on my website: www.soulsaturations.com

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