Episode 34: Liberating Your Pregnancy Journey with Margie, The Unashamed Mama

birth pregnancy Mar 22, 2021

Liberating Your Pregnancy Journey with Margie, The Unashamed Mama 

 Kendall: We have Margie from the Unashamed Mama. This spicy vixen is going to introduce herself and join us today and we're going to talk so many juicy and amazing things. So Margie, thank you so much for joining us today.

Margie: Thank you so much. I'm so honored to be here and yes, I'm totally feeling the vixen vibes. I have just freshly dyed my hair with a nice juicy red so I'm hoping our conversation is just as juicy.

Kendall: Tell us all about you and how you show up in the world and what your mission is.  

Margie: My mission is I work with mothers primarily as a birth doula and it's a virtual service that I offer and often I get asked, like, you know, you don't do in-person, you only do virtual and really that comes from me wanting every mama to recognize that her power lies within that. I am happy to guide. I love being able to help mothers get in tune with what's lying inside of their bodies, recognizing all of their power, stepping into it bravely and just letting birth be their transformation. Birth is their rebirth. Each time that I come in contact with a new mama and we go through the process and she steps out of birth and it's like a Phoenix, you just rise. I live for that experience. I experienced it myself with the birth of my three children. I laugh and say that like another baby would bring me like full divinity because I know all of those layers that just peel away with the surrender of that experience. It's something I bring into life. 

Kendall: How did you really connect with this as your life's mission?

Margie: I got pregnant with my first, when I was 23, it was a single mother at the time and didn't have a lot of support in that relationship. I always wanted to kind of experience the, the transformation of birth, like really just running to the entire process and just going all in and seeing, you know, the strength within my body. I just didn't have that support. There was a lot of that self doubt that was creeping in, you know, just hearing things from family members or from people in passing, all the fear stories that get passed down for birth. The generalization that if you wanted to like have a water birth or something like that, that you're super hippy, you know, all of these things that we hear in culture and in society that generally just dumbed down your own intuition, the decisions that you know, that you want that's right for your body.

Unfortunately with that experience, it ended up being a very traumatic birth and it's because I did not follow my instincts. I just, I completely shut down. And the disempowerment of that experience was something that took years to unpack. I think that that is really where our emission started is because I didn't want anyone else to feel that way. I knew that there was so much more to birth that we get pregnant and we all of a sudden consider ourselves a patient. That's just not the case. You know, our bodies were absolutely made for this and to medicalize the event and just take a power away from a woman where it's like, you know, you think you're a patient, you have to be a good girl, the doctor, and just sit there and listen to the advice that you're given. And it's all of that. Like I just wanted to rewrite the story and I wanted to impair power others to do the same thing and to just make this a mission that gets woven into today's generation and for many to come. So it all started there.

Kendall: Let's talk a little bit about some of those fear stories that get passed down and where they come from and what, what is the reality where it's like, okay, all of us said a sudden a woman will find herself present pregnant and then what happens?

Margie: I think there's kind of like the surface ones where it's like, what if I make weird sounds or what if I poop or what if, you know, my partner is not comfortable seeing me like that, or just, you know, like the fear of being seen, a lot of those fears kind of come up. There's the deeper fears, you know, within our bodies that we just kind of hold on to generation generationally, where it's like, you know, we just kind of instruct, we are supposed to be quiet and it's not safe to express yourself. This humbling of women, that's just kind of gone on for years. That's a big one, it's an eight. And it's really difficult for women to understand that that's not really you, that's not what you're feeling it's something that you've carried with you and it's safe to feel it and heal it and let it go. You know, it was never yours to carry. Other than that, it's like the stories that we pass down to each other, the conversations that we're having, the fear stories that are in the media, the things that we're watching and even the way that birth is portrayed in movies, you know, you think about like the screaming mother and the, the husband who's like passing out in the hallway and like this disconnect. It's honestly like for me, I can't even watch movies like that anymore.  I think it's so ridiculous, but these are the things that like our children are seeing in these PG rated movies when they're growing up and they're getting that in their minds and thinking that that's what's normal and then let that scare factor that comes into place. And you definitely want to ask that epidural girl, like, don't think about it. Like it's available to us, they've made these so that we don't have to go through that anymore. Like why would you even want to, you know, and just so much, it's just the passing on of these fear stories that perpetuates the problem.

Kendall: Especially when it comes to pregnancy and birth and motherhood, like it's one of those things that it kind of comes at you, you know, uninvited in a sense where it's like, as soon as somebody sees your they're like, Oh, let me touch her belly and then it goes right into uninvited, advice or perspectives or beliefs that it's like that carries on. I didn't ask right.

Margie: There was no invitation. I'm not really sure the touching of the belly is like, that really freaks me out. I remember thinking, I can't believe that someone would ever put their hands onto my body. Like what invitation did I give to you that says like, I want to touch the belly you know, why did we normalize that, that everyone wants to touch the baby bump who came up with that?

Kendall: How do you help women when they come to you? I'm sure that they have a whole variety of these kinds of fear stories. So how do you help them move through that of feeling healing and releasing that?

Margie: There's this whole, once you get pregnant, you have this checklist of to-do items. I call it the busy stuff. Mothers think that they have to fill out this entire list of all of these things that they need to buy. They have to plan these baby showers. They have to plan, you know, the food that people are gonna bring afterwards when they come and visit them and just like making these notes that they're gonna put on their door. And, you know, all of the busy stuff that they tend to think is important for them to focus on it. Honestly it perpetuates the problem because you think you're preparing for birth, but really all you're doing is distracting yourself from what you want to acknowledge. You're, you're kind of like numbing out.

It's the same way that we stuffed on our emotions. It's just a distraction. That's the first thing it's like, well, what are, what are you focusing on? And once they are liberated to realize that they don't have to busy themselves and worry about buying the right stuff on the baby registry, that it's okay to not be focused on those things and to be really focused on ourselves, starting that work in pregnancy carries into the way that we parent our children, how we interact with others, the way that we can speak for ourselves advocate for ourselves during the birthing process, by knowing that it's okay and safe to recognize yourself, to acknowledge yourself, getting into that awareness is literally the number one thing that changes the experience for every mother. It's not like we want you to sit here and list out all of our fears and we're just going to throw it all up.

It starts with awareness and then all of a sudden she's wide open and liberated to think, wow, like I don't have to worry about all of those things like that. Wasn't what was necessary all along. And the intuition is activated from that space. Once that, that happens, I'm merely a guide. We just work through, we bring it up to the surface. We talk about it once it's out and spoken, it's almost like that activation of the heart and throat in that, all of it just like it pours out. And then we can just take it down each layer, just breaking down each layer. And once you speak your truth, you've immediately activated it for yourself. You've acknowledged that it lies there and then the healing can happen. So it's really just starting with awareness, bringing in that intuition and just that truth, that honest spoken truth.

Kendall: I think a lot of women spent so much time numbing out and absolutely there's the list of all the things and what are you supposed to do and what a beautiful gift to be able to say like, Hey, it all starts from that awareness for yourself, but then activating the intuition within is like, you know, it's part of that initiation that we go through as women as being able to birth, um, birth life onto the planet. And so that's really powerful.

Margie: Then anything else that you want to do this isn't just about birth. This is about your own internal power realized and actualized in all things that you do. We birth creative endeavors every day. And once we recognize that it's all within us and we have that power at any moment to activate, it's just, I like to say that I help mothers in pregnancy. And of course they experienced that transformation during birth, but it was always there for them. They didn't have to go through pregnancy or birth. It's just that that's the event that brought us together, you know?

Kendall: Talk a little bit about how society and some of those general things happen where we instantly medicalize the experience of pregnancy and birth and what that looks like and what it takes to overcome some of those generalizations that we experience.

Margie: Typically you'll go through the process of like, well, I guess we're supposed to take a birth class together, and then you and your partner maybe go to the one that's offered at the hospital. But the one that's at the hospital is actually just a sales event that you're attending with a little bit of knowledge, kind of sprinkled in there, but they're just really wanting to show you why you want to birth here with us and families don't recognize that. And then when you're a patient, let's say you have an OB and you continue on this actually happened with me. I mean, I had an OB and I continued with my care with my OB and I started recognizing it was just a very like cut and dry, come in, get weighed after you get weighed, then, you know, maybe we check her stomach, use a Doppler, see how that's going.

If there's any need for other tests, that's usually based only on like your age or what you filled out on the questionnaire, which by the way, they are not even saying to me, during those events, you have an option for these things. And most mothers don't know that they have an option for those things, but who am I to tell my doctor? Actually, no, I don't want that and if no one told me that I had the option of whether or not I wanted that to happen, how do I know that that belongs to me?  I think it really starts there is recognizing that they need to know that they have other options that are available to them. I was not weighed because I didn't want to be, it wasn't necessary for me. If there was something that showed up in my testing that said I needed to be weighed, you know, whether or not like gestational diabetes or something like that may have been, you know, something that you look at, then I would be weighed.

I had no vaginal exams whatsoever, not one. In my previous pregnancies with an OB, this, this is a midwife I'm talking about previously with an OB. It was like a standard and people were up checking me all the time. I just wondered, like why checking my vagina so much like it, and to be honest, the top topic that goes around is like constantly getting checked to see like, if your cervix is dilated and you're like 37 weeks, honey, I'm sorry, I'm going to tell you right now. It has nothing to do with whether or not you're going to go into labor the next day. It's just not accurate. But we think, and we have these measurable things. And we just want to know, because you're so ready to have that baby. Then you get checked and your doctor says, you know, you've got a holiday weekend coming up.

You're so tired and you said that you wanted to have this baby. Then they say, Oh, well, we can induce you. You were this far along, you know, with your cervix and your dilation in your face mint, that baby's going to be too big, that baby's not going to fit through. You're really just on their clock. We're not educating ourselves because that information is not readily available to every woman they're following the standard guidelines of medical care. They're thinking that they're in the best hands. And I'm here to tell you that a lot of that, that, that doctor is, is on a clock. You know, when I had an induction for one of mine, the induction started at nine o'clock in the morning. If I didn't make progress by like 5:30/ 6:00 PM, medication was shut off. I think that's so it's because that doctor wanted to go home. They were on their own schedule. If I was to have my water break in the middle of the night, well, then they would have to get up out of bed and come meet me in the middle of the night. That's the thing that I'm trying to say here. I mean, it's, it's sad, but it's true. And if we're not talking about it, then no one's ever going to know that they had a right. And that's really where it comes from.

Kendall: What are the options? If a woman doesn't want to go the, the general, I don't want to say traditional, but like the society accepted OB route, what are those options? What does that look like? What are some of the things that they can choose or not?

Margie: Well, you know, some of the things that I touched on like that you don't have to have the vaginal exams that you don't have to choose to be wait, if you don't want to. I would say, use a midwife. It's going to be a better model of care. That would be the first thing that I say, if you have the option of hiring a doula and you want support, hire a doula, if you don't want another person that's in the room, use a virtual doula that's service that I offer. 

The two things that I would say for sure, if you wanted to have a home birth option, I, as a doula can not attend a home birth, you would still have to have someone there, medically. That's just something that I can, but you know, free birth is available. If that's your thing, you can birth at home. You know, there's different courses and such that you could reach out, um, for that type of birth experience. Once you get into a hospital atmosphere or you're at a birthing center, then basically from there, everything is consent based. You should be receiving forms for all of the different testing that's available. You don't have to have a pap smear every single time you get pregnant. That's something that's really common. Like you don't have to, um, other testing, you know, that is like the glucose screening that they offer.

Just like the people that are touching you, that's a big thing is touch like consented touch, I think is very important because, too many women think that like they are just available and everybody can put their hands on them. Kind of like what we said about the touching of the belly. If you want to touch, then that's something that you could have in your birth plan. Wireless monitoring is a big one. I love mentioning wireless monitoring. If for some reason you were in the hospital and you had to be monitored. Like for instance, if you have preeclampsia, then the hospital would generally put you on monitors that can find you to a bed, which is completely contradictory to what we want to be doing during labor, which is moving the body, helping the baby to descend. If you have a wireless monitoring on your stomach, then you can get up and move about the room.

Kendall: Let's talk about the raw power that exists with pregnancy and birth and motherhood. I want to just kind of honor each of those phases in the journey and talk a little bit about what are some of the benefits or activations that come along with pregnancy that come along with birth that come along with that transition into motherhood, which I think you so beautifully depict in how you share your story.

Margie: Throughout pregnancy, obviously, you're just recognizing just the beauty of you yourself as a creator, you know, and each time that a mother gives birth afterwards, one of the first things that they messaged me afterwards is like, I can't believe I just had a baby. Like, I can't believe I did that. We say that every single time, like, I can't believe I just had a baby because it's so magical. You know what I mean? So, first of all, just the fact that it's pure magic and that we need to really honor ourselves as creators. And, you know, the power within our room is just, it's activated immediately from that. That's the first thing I would say. And then when your child is born, there is this deep connection that exists without really you having to do anything.

During today's episode we talk about:

  • What is Margie's mission?
  • What inspired Margie to be a doula and work with women in this capacity? 
  • What are some of the common fears women have around giving birth and where did these stories come from?
  • How does Margie help women move through their fears?
  • How can women can use their intuition?
  • How is pregnancy and birth medicalized and what does it take to overcome some of those generalizations that we experience as women? 
  • What are some options who don't want to go the general route with their pregnancy and birth? 
  • What is the difference between a doula and a midwife? 
  • How can you embrace the raw power during pregnancy, birth and motherhood? 

Memorable Moments:

  • "I love being able to help mothers get in tune with what's lying inside of their bodies, recognizing all of their power, stepping into it bravely and just letting birth be their transformation. Birth is their rebirth." -Margie
  • "It starts with awareness and then all of a sudden she's wide open and liberated to think, wow, like I don't have to worry about all of those things like that. Wasn't what was necessary all along. And the intuition is activated from that space." -Margie
  • "Then anything else that you want to do this isn't just about birth. This is about your own internal power realized and actualized in all things that you do. We birth creative endeavors every day." -Margie

Connect with Margie:

  • Instagram: @theunashamedmama
  • Online: www.unashamedmama.com

In light, in love, and in gratitude, K

 

If you loved this episode I’d deeply appreciate you subscribing and leaving a 5 star review and please share this with someone who will resonate with this episode today!
 
Find out more on my website: www.soulsaturations.com

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