Episode 33: How To Get Naked with Harry Trotter

Uncategorized Mar 15, 2021

How To Get Naked with Harry Trotter

Kendall: I am so honored to introduce you today to my Harry Trotter, and I will have him introduce himself and tell all about where he comes from and what his journey is. And Harry and I first connected on Instagram a couple of years ago, actually. And we have just had a really loving relationship from afar, where we tune into each other's pages and cycles and world and whatever's happening. And so I'm so excited to actually dive in and have a conversation face-to-face with you. So welcome, Harry.

Harry: Thank you so much for inviting me. I'm very happy to be here.

Kendall: Harry is an author, a speaker, a mentor in lots of ways. And so I'm so excited to really get naked and have a super vulnerable conversation and we'll dive into all the different areas. So tell us a little bit about what your mission is and how you shine your light on the planet, um, and how you show up in the world.

Harry: My mission is based on firstly experiences, I've experienced myself because I try to firstly to, I think as many people to help ourselves before helping others. And that's why I, um, published a book, which is pretty naked about, uh, sexuality. And I'm a big believer about sexuality. Doesn't define you. Um, and I think many people struggle with where they fit in the spectrum of sexuality. Uh, that's number one, being naked in, we have to be authentically you without being defined by being ABC or D let's say gay, straight or BI that's number one. Number two. Uh, my mission on this planet is to support. I might say people like I supported myself at first, but, um, I have the eagerness to support people to understand their own story, to understand where they come from, where I believe that everyone can relate to a personal journey, personal childhood, where sexuality, where silence, where talking about sex might be a bit of a taboo topic, or might be something we don't talk about. 

I think it's important to acknowledge that sexual energy, as you said, is extremely important and I'm not going to lie. What I wrote here is a lot how not to do it. And I've experienced many things like many people in the sense of giving my sexual energy way. And through the years I found myself a way to stop self sabotaging myself. So that's number two. I am going to repeat once more first nakedness of not being labeled by a sexual label and to be authentically yourself. Number two is embracing what you do actually, which is amazing your sexual energy, your sexual power. And number three, if I may say so is to be naked with your words and your actions in public, but for most also in private, because so many people, they feel the needs to tell you behind closed doors, in a private message to judge you this, this and that, but then in public, they will present as nothing happened.

Kendall: I think we should dive into each of those different pieces and really start to look at that. And, um, the work you do is so important, and I believe that we are in this incredible state on the planet right now, where there needs to be as you called them cycle breakers, people who are showing up and living authentically and nakedly, um, with not only themselves, but also in public, because as we get to show up and shine our light and be fully naked and authentically us, that's how we start to create massive change on the planet. And it's, that's, it, it starts with us and we can't just sit around and wait for anybody else to do it. We have to be the ones to do it right away. And no matter how scary that may be. So tell us a little bit, um, you know, one of the things I love that you said is, you know, we all have these stories of how we grew up, how we learned about sexuality and intimacy. Um, whether I love that comment of just like whether it was a hug or being intimate with yourself or whatever that might be. So tell me a little bit how, the way that we are raised shapes our perspective of sexuality today.

Harry: Well, there's a lot I could say about this, but I will try to answer a question as in-depth as possible. I think we all come from somewhere. We all come from a family. We all come from a place of love because that's what the saying says, we're all made of love, right? So if, as a child, as a toddler, as a young born whatsoever, if you cannot express your feelings or emotions, that's number one. If you can not express your feelings or emotions towards your parents, that's one, one thing that many people can relate to not just being a man, being a man, because we still live in a culture where, Oh, just please man up and don't show emotions because it's weak, nothing new under the sun, but I want to go further.

There are so many barriers, they don't explain to their child what it is, what happens, uh, how come and I think sexuality is something that is extremely important. And if you're not, well-informed when younger, you don't understand how to develop yourself as a young adult, because you feel like maybe it's something wrong. Maybe it's something we cannot talk about. So maybe as a child, you will think, Oh, it's wrong. It's different. It's weird. We cannot talk about this because I've never been able to talk about it. My parents never talked about it. So it's taboo. And later in life, when you want to build your relationship, first, you went yourself, which many people including myself forget about because you want to open up to others, but you can open to anyone as long as you're not open to yourself in an, in a, in a tender way, in a sexual way, in a intimacy kind of way. And I think that's very important to acknowledge where we take an example of the relationship or parents, but often our parents are people. Children will have been hurt themselves, but we realize this very some very later in life, some never in life. And we just take an example of how their relationship was between them. And we try to mirror that because we don't know of anything else. And then at some point in life, we break the cycle and we realize, wow, I can actually embrace myself, love myself, be that parent I never had about my sexual questions. Where did that come from? And then I will go to a one more extended if I may say, so the sexuality we'll have, uh, if it's now, uh, the sexual orientation in terms of being attracted to women, being a man or attracted to men, being a man or attracted to women, being a woman, um, many people say, Oh, you know, you're born ABC or D.

I just say from a personal experience, that based in effects, sexuality was very much trouble in my life. Uh, I dated girls for a long time. I had sex with many women because I thought this was the right thing to do, because I thought I, I was a cool guy because I thought I made my, my father and my mother proud because for me, my mother was a perfect housewife, which I was very scared of in a way. So I thought I had to date the same kind of women. You know what I mean? And then I opened up to guys and again, I, I had sex with many guys, many women because I didn't understand my sexual energy, my sexual Bauer. I didn't know what it was. I didn't know it was separate. I didn't know. It was just for the few people out there. I thought it was free for everyone because I want to be this friendly, nice guy who pretends to be fine, but deep down, he was very much unhappy.

Kendall: I think that's a journey that so many of us go through. And when we start to look at that relationship with our parents, we do, we have that mirroring right? Where we look at how our parents were, what, the type of relationships they had and, and how we then mirror that and show up. And I think that you're absolutely correct that if we're not well-informed as children and growing up, how do we know that our sexuality is sacred? How do we know what this energy is? Let alone the physical changes of our bodies from breast to pubic hair, to, you know, menstrual cycles and all sorts of things. And so if your family doesn't talk about it, you're up, you're up to yourself to figure it out. And then what, where do you learn it? You learn it from your friends. You learn it at school, you learned it on TV or you watch porn and all these things. And so when we look at the culture of society today, around sexuality, so much of that is shaped by us. The current generation who is creating the world of sexuality. We look at how we were raised in.

Harry: I came into terms of myself and still until today, I'm on the quest of attracting the people who feel me want the same kind of energy. And it has nothing to do with just being gay. It's a bigger picture of people. And at the end of the day, we're all human, no labels.

Kendall: That very much resonates and agree with that on a lot of different levels, because it is about who you are to yourself, right? Pure integrity is who you are with yourself behind closed doors. How you show up when you're with yourself. And there's so many, so many incongruencies of how people can live in integrity today, where, you know, if we show up and we love ourselves tenderly and intimately, the way that we can come to ourselves, that's how we're supposed to meet another person. And I'm super passionate about the next generation, the younger generation too, and giving them the skills because the, the law, like the current level of the society today is that you have to fit within a category. You have to be a part of the community. And if you choose not to identify in a certain aspect of the community, well, then you're somehow ostracized by the other aspects of the community.

I do a lot of work with, by women and by curious women about giving them tools to explore their sexuality. And for me, I looked at it as you can love whoever you want to love. And when you can connect with your sexual energy, that's this beautiful place. But if you're looking at the world of lesbians, there's a lot of shame and guilt that exists towards the bike community. And it's like, everybody has their own prejudices against everybody else. Where what I love about what you're saying is we're just humans love who we want to love. We're human beings, having this, like we're actual spiritual, energetic beings having a human experience. Why not lean into that human experience and with the younger generation, the way that we inform them, the way that we help to educate their perspectives and shape that I ideal is going to change the planet.

I'm gonna write a book this year. That is a book for really targeting towards the parents of how to raise our children in a sexual openly way so that we can start to say, okay, this is a children's book for ages two, four, six years old. This is how you start to think about your sexuality. And then we're talking to the parents to say, how do you have this conversation with them? How do you create an open dialogue on that? And I think that when we can start to educate that next generation, then we get to grow up with the understanding that our sexuality is, is sacred. And the way that we choose to love is for that select few people that really are going to honor and respect you for who you are and all aspects of it.

Harry: I believe, I think it's such an interesting and, and on point kind of topic. Um, and when you said as well about you guide and help people, women were by couriers, or we had a lot of shame about their sexuality. I understand why today still pride is very important. I personally didn't need it. I understand why many people are very out and proud and happy to be themselves. And in some ways to many people's sexualities or they are not to me, but I totally understand and respect, but then the whole point of an event or a movement like brides is to love whoever you want to ride, because they literally say love is love. But then of course, when you don't fit the cliche, we were told, I was still, that will say, please get up, be more gay, change yourself. So even though it's all about unity, equality, love is love. Sometimes people ask you still to change because they can't believe you are gay because they see a different gate type on television in the newspaper. And this is where often the media covers one side of the coin, the more shocking extravagance kind of side of the LGBT community, which is okay. But I believe that two sides should be shown. So I just wanted to share this.

Kendall: Why do you think there is so much prejudice within the community? Why do you believe that that exists? Why do they say gay up?

Harry: I honestly thought about it myself. I'm like, why would someone say this? Because if someone is not lucky, but in sexuality, I'm not going to say, please come down, please shush. Please hide it. No way. I'm okay with people being themselves when they shouldn't tell me what to do. So I believe that people say this because if you're not fitting in their world, as they have been told, you have to be out and gay. And everyone at the LGBTQ pride and parade is, is gay. And they're all comfortable being gay. If you don't fit there, they think you are against them. Maybe they think you are maybe not part of the bigger picture, which they believe that they have to be in and be part of because too many people, uh, a pride month, a pride event, a parade is a big thing.

Kendall: I think when we, we dive into this idea of being naked and vulnerable, it is it's revealing those deeper truths about yourself. And that truth may be that you don't feel like you fit in there. And that's a beautiful thing to just honor and respect anything. When we can look at that energy of our sexuality or sexual essence, it's not supposed to be any particular label or, or box that you're going to fit in, but it's just about connecting with the energy of you. And that's why I love the energy of our sexual energy, because it is it's our truest essence. It's that bridge between our human experience and our higher self, the divine and whatever that means to whoever that may be. But it gives us the tools to know ourselves authentically and nakedly. So what does being naked and really living your truth mean to you?

Harry: It means that when people live their truth and are naked with themselves, no matter what they bring onto the table, no matter what they say in an open space, biblically, they will feel ashamed or feel less or small, or that they will be okay with whatever they are. They have been true. And I believe it takes some time to be naked and to get naked because often of course, people will judge. You, people will reject you. People will not understand you, but when you know that 99% of the people you meet, they are not your people. And when you really understand that, you will be probably the person you will spend the most time with in your life. And that you are your best friend. Of course, you can be open to people, but once you go all in fully naked and in the past experience that happened to you, good or bad,  with, with, with the things you've done, which you're not really proud.

And of course it takes some time. It takes some balls sometimes. Uh, I'm not the same person as I am today. Speaking openly with you today, five years ago, I couldn't have done that, but it's a whole process. So to answer your question, being naked means to be in peace with how your life is going, not questioning things and say, Oh, maybe I've, I've done the wrong choices to be in peace and to be okay with the person you have become to be in peace and to be okay with the experiences you've had good or bad, and to openly share them, not as a, either to say a victim, but as a person who grown out of the little person or the person who used to be, and the little person within you never leaves you because we all have an inner child. We all have this little girl or guy within us, but we're growing out of her story.

We're not thinking, Oh, this happened to me. I only going to attract bad people because that's what I know of. And, and this is where we come to the term, breaking the cycle. Some people are treated like. Some people believe their. Some people they have heard their entire life that they were good for nothing. But I believe that you can break the cycle and tell yourself that you're not that you are able to be wherever you want to be. That you're able to be a caring person, a lovable person, a real person and authentic person, even though others will not get you, you're able to break free from that cycle, which is breaking the cycle.

Kendall: What powerful work to do to give people the space, to go through that journey for themselves. And to be able to say like, I have to go through this process and this journey of getting naked, like really fully naked and being okay to be vulnerable in that space. So for people who are looking to start that journey, right. If somebody is listening to this podcast and they say, yeah, there's, I don't know. I, I just don't know if I could ever get to that point to where I'm fully comfortable naked. What would your advice be to somebody who is like, Oh, I kind of want that, but I'm not sure how I would go about it.

Harry: That person, I would say, first of all, it's important to make a distinction between the physical nakedness and the yeah. The naked in the naked within, I would say because many people are, Oh, but I mean, I can see you're often naked and on your post. So you mean naked being outside naked? No, no, no. That's exactly not what I mean, but exactly the opposite actually. So what I would like to say to that person is to find a place for that person. First of all, where that person feels very much at ease, a place where this person can ground and really touch upon those moments, those past events, those thoughts, he, or she never dare to share to anyone to really try to, to, to touch upon these. And I know it's hurtful. I know it's, it's painful, but there's no other way to go back to the belly of the beast. Sometimes to really, I would say to go from the, a naked, naked to go from the pain to the gain, if I may say, so it's really important to start very little, little by little step-by-step at his own or her own pace that say, uh, to find a place where it is, this person can really, um, be himself or be herself and to really feel okay. I'm very relaxed here. I'm very at ease here. I'm going to take a booklet and I'm going to write all my thoughts on everything I felt I feel right now, things I struggle with things I don't share to anyone, things that make my life much more difficult things I struggle with. Like all the things that aren't spoken, I would say. So for the good and for the bad. And I think that's the first step. And this is how myself dated. I wrote things down that I even know how to any things down that I didn't even know I had truly experienced because I tried to forget. I tried to forget X, Y Oh, this is not me. That didn't happen. But then you write them down and you're such a momentum. You're like sometimes, and I dare to sip psychosis because it comes back and it comes in waves and you're emotional. Then you laugh and you're a bit all over the place. And I think that's the first step to acknowledge what you've experienced and to tell yourself, don't be too hard on yourself. You've been through a lot. It's it's we see people, um, we'll say, Oh, you know, uh, you want to feel better by yourself and want to treat. That's how it goes. It's a long process. I'm talking about 10 years of living here. I'm nothing special and nothing new and, or just send what I want to do. When people ask me, I don't know much more than another. I'm just a bit more naked than another. And that's why I expose myself. Nakedly. The book I wrote is not a, how to be happy in 10 steps. It's a brutal, naked story. And yes, people were sometimes shocked or they pushed me away or they judge me.

My message to people listening right now to be vulnerable and naked doesn't happen overnight. But once you really open up to your own demons and your own past experience to yourself, this is the moment you are. In my opinion, you're, you're able to open up to someone else. And this is where, when it comes. So first you ride your toes down, everything you want to share to yourself, and then that's important life. You might, you might think, okay. I acknowledge what happened to me. I acknowledge I want to be guided or helped or be listened. It's all about being listened. And then the magic happens, I believe.

Kendall: To acknowledge it first yourself. And then to be able to share that with another. And you know, it's not just that you have to go posting it all over Instagram for everybody. And to be able to have the courage to vulnerably share and, and express some of those things. And, and, you know, sometimes it takes the risk of knowing that you may not be fully accepted for that and who you are. And when you can acknowledge and accept it for who you are for yourself first, that's what gives you the foundation to be able to do that.

Harry: Totally. When you acknowledge who you are and where you come from and who you're growing and aspiring to become. Well, then you, you, you generate a lot of quietness within yourself and you know that as well. Of course, once you speak your truth and share your vulnerability and you share your true self, well, some people will not see you. They will let you down. But the real ones, they will never judge you because they will embrace it because maybe, probably they've been there themselves. And that's where you connect. 

Kendall: That is that's the magic I wanted to things that you said earlier is that 99% of the people around you, aren't your people. And that's, I think a huge piece to remember is that the people who are meant to be in your life are going to see you acknowledge you and honor you for your story, your journey and your experience. And that's where the magic happens is when you get to fully express and be seen by another, and it doesn't have to be everyone. It can just be those select number of people.

Harry: ]It can be a family member, a partner. It can be someone who guides you as, as a shrink or whatsoever, but it can be very hard to heart. You know what I mean, many people they see, Oh, I can not go with my struggles and my problems to a professional person, because I don't want to be seen or heard that I have a label again, a depression or bad thoughts. No, I think that if we one, if they have the possibility and they can do so, has it's a gift to be able to talk to someone and many people still today are a bit reluctant about the fact, Oh, I don't want to go and see someone cause I don't want people to know. And it's taboo. And I've been raised in that kind of world, maybe yourself as well. And I think speaking someone on a monthly basis, it's Stitcher, it makes you feel lighter. It makes you feel close to yourself. And it's so important to express or emotions or feelings as a woman or men. And we know better because back in the days, maybe many people are still today say, Oh, but just keep it in. Just pretend. No, no. The real nakedness is to be vulnerable, to be filterable, to be open, to be raw. But of course it takes time.

When we think about that idea of integrity and really being able to show up with our words and our actions, I think it's giving yourselves the compassion and the grace to say one step at a time, one day at a time. And if we're so focused on where we want to be, we miss the journey of where we are right here in this present moment.

I think it's beautiful how you said, if you don't size the, no, you can never reach that moment or that place you want to be because it's, you shouldn't go for just a destination. It's about the whole journey. It's about, you know, the way to get there. And of course your journey will change and things will happen and you will meet people and the right ones will be attracted because you attract what you are. I strongly believe that.

Kendall: I think that is the motivation is I think at least for myself, I look at where I was and that's a huge motivation for me to say, I'm not going back there. I have to keep taking action. I have to keep moving forward because God forbid I got to go back and get a job. Like I have to do this work. And so I think that is really powerful to look at what are the things that are going to motivate you into action and taking the action, even when it feels scary and to show up and have the conversation. And one of the things that I love when we're talking about having vulnerable conversations and, stepping into that place of action is being able to just honor the humanity in it and be able to say this conversation is kind of tough for me to have, or it's a little bit uncomfortable and I'm not really sure how to say this.

I would really appreciate if you can just listen and hold space for me. And so then it gives you that container to have the conversation. And you'll be able to tell if that person's like, Nope, I don't have time for that. Or are you crazy? But that's where we can have courage to say, this is uncomfortable, but I got to do it anyway. So can you just love me through this? And can I just have this conversation? I think that that's a really beautiful way to start to take that first step and then you do it again and it gets easier and you do it again and it gets easier. Um, so when I look at all the things that you help people do and you look through their identity and their sexuality and inner peace and confidence in all of those things, it's all part of the whole. So if you were to look at that, people can't be confident without honoring their sexuality. They're not going to know their identity if they're not peaceful within. So can you talk a little bit about how all of those pieces make you authentically you?

Harry: Yeah. Thank you for bringing that up. Um, as I said, there's those four pillars, in my opinion, that can create your authentic self, your authentic Q and they're all linked. Um, so your identity is such a important aspect because often when we're younger, we're told, Oh, but you know, you should study this or you should hang out with those people or you should do this and that. And it's only later in life that you realize. Yeah. But what do I want? What do I feel? And when you think about the words, identity or, or identification, um, and identity is something I can talk about is for ages actually is something that we were given when we're born, because we have an identity card or passport. If you like, that's kind of, that's not what I'm talking about. Your true identity. Only you can create, it can identify yourself with it because many people will say, Oh, but you know, you changed.

You often show the parts that people expect you to see or do to show to others. You often say what people want to hear. You often show what people want to see. And then when you, when you play within that role of, Oh, I'm this guide because that's what people think of me. Well, then you actually shoot, you shoot in your own foot because you never had the, the, the, the, the, the, you never had the chance to really show your true self it's. I will take an example for myself. I used to be this more corporate guy. I know I'm doing something totally, uh, related to, um, you know, coaching, being creative. I wrote a book, no I'm doing acting classes. It's totally opposite. So I'm not fitting into the identity of, for examples, my parents side of me. So I break free from my false, my fake identity, that identity I was given, then identity. I was given in the sense, don't show your emotions, be this corporate guy, beat his manly guy, whatever. And I broke free from that. So it's important for people to understand that often they live towards an identity, which is not theirs because he never questioned. They never took the time to be in a quiet moment with themselves. Who am I really, what do I like? What are my passions?

Kendall: I think that that's so important because you're right. Our identity is something that we kind of, it's given to us. We kind of fall into this. This is who my parents want me to be. This is how I grow up. And we kind of get into that place where if we're not actively seeking and reflecting on who do I need to be? Who am I really, I think that's such a key piece is we show up in one way and we're like, well, now I'm kind of in this space where I have to show up like this, where it takes the courage to then say, you know, maybe I'm not, I think that was a big journey for me. When I was in my corporate career, I had to show up as like, I fit the corporate box. I wasn't too sexy. I wasn't too promiscuous. To be able to shift that energy and step out of a corporate space to be like, no, I'm, I'm a sex and relationship coach. We're going to talk about sexuality because I think it's really important. And by the way, sexuality is also really important for you, even if you're in the corporate space, because you're still having sex. Like that's just the foundation.  I think when we can help people, um, even just give them a safe space and permission to explore, to say, who do you really want to be? If nobody else was telling you who you had to be, or what was this supposed to look like? Or what society says is success, then what is that piece of identity? And I think that that's such an important piece to dive into.

Harry: Thank you for sharing your dots. I think the identity is, is linked to the sexuality bits, which is the second pillar, if I may say so when you say it's so well, and so right, every single person on this planet has a sexuality has an identity. No matter if you are more a corporate guy or a creative person, it all starts within ourselves. And so many people, they hide their true identity. I dare to say, and it takes time to strip away those stones, those layers, which I call close. And that's why I often play around the fact be naked, because then you strip away all those fake identities and you, we were born naked. So what's the whole point of showing some nakedness right from the heart, but also physically as I'm sure you understand. Um, so the second pillar is about sexuality and I think it's important to be in touch executive, what you do in touch with your sexual energy

Third is finding the confidence within yourself. So to embrace your identity, your sexual border, if you will, and to really be confident to who you are or what you want to become as a person, because that person, you might have never been able to show to anyone else.

Kendall: I love that because it is that journey is once you go through figure out your identity, who you really are, what your sexuality is, honor it embrace it. Um, I love the piece about being naked, because I think that that's a beautiful way to actually get to know who your true identity is, is through being naked and connecting with your sexual energy and being intimate with yourself can give you a doorway to start to understand all of those pieces. And that will absolutely give the confidence to say, Oh, and I think the more people when they connect with their sexual energy and they use that as that creative life force energy, that, that creativity, that passion, that vitality the lest for life, all of those things that gives you the confidence to show up and not give a what other people are going to think. And that's when you start to be like, Oh, I'm not the, the inner peace I think comes so much from not worrying about where I'm supposed to be or what other people think. It's not all those outward expectations and experiences. It's the internal like being right where you are. So I think that those are such important pillars, um, to be able to give people the tools, to be able to do that.

Harry: I'm comfortable with myself. I gave myself the confidence. I'm very okay with myself. I found interested in myself. I know where I am as a person in terms of identity. And I know what my sexually, my sexual, excuse me, energy is all about. So know a way to really bring something out is a way maybe to laugh and to explore and to, I think self mockery and humor is a great healer that's yeah, for me, in a way it saved my life because it made me understand. It's not about me anymore. It's about a bigger picture and wow, it's so revealing.

During today's episode we talk about:

  • How does Harry show up in the world? 
  • How can the way we are raised can impact our views on sexuality?
  • How can media, culture and society can impact our views on sexuality? 
  • Why it's important to talk to and educate children about sexuality?
  • What prejudice exists in the LGBTQ community? 
  • What does being naked and living your truth mean to Harry? 
  • What is Harry's advice for people who are uncomfortable being naked? 

Memorable Moments:

  • "My message to people listening right now to be vulnerable and naked doesn't happen overnight. But once you really open up to your own demons and your own past experience to yourself, this is the moment you are. In my opinion, you're, you're able to open up to someone else. And this is where, when it comes." -Harry
  • "Once you speak your truth and share your vulnerability and you share your true self, well, some people will not see you. They will let you down. But the real ones, they will never judge you because they will embrace it because maybe, probably they've been there themselves." -Harry 

Connect with Harry:

In light, in love, and in gratitude, K

If you loved this episode I’d deeply appreciate you subscribing and leaving a 5 star review and please share this with someone who will resonate with this episode today!
 
Find out more on my website: www.soulsaturations.com

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