Episode 32: Using Self Love to Find Your Sexy with Kelcy Valletta

Uncategorized Mar 08, 2021

Using Self Love to Find Your Sexy with Kelcy Valletta 

Kendall: I'm so excited to introduce you to today's guest Kelcy Valletta. Kelcy is the founder of the Find Your Sexy. She is a certified self-love and sexy coach, which how amazing is that and the host of the finder sexy podcast. Let's jump right in. Tell us a little bit about you and how you show up and shine your light on the planet.

Kelcy: Just a quick little backstory. I, since the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be an actor and it was my only plan in life. It was plan a, I didn't have a plan B. I went to film school. I was like, I'm going to work in this industry. Move to LA, did the whole thing. And you know, as I was changing and growing, as you do as a young woman in my early twenties, I kind of just realized that that life didn't fulfill me anymore.  I felt like I had to live inside this box that Hollywood needed me to stay in, in order to have a career. I really didn't like that. I've never liked anyone placing me in a box, right? No one really likes that.

I didn't have a plan B and I felt depressed. I felt like, what the hell am I doing with my life? I felt like I just disappointed. The people who, you know, knew me. I felt like I disappointed myself. And it was many years of soul searching many, many years. And, you know, as you really do the work and dive deep and really get to know who you are, you start to feel more connected to what your purpose is and what you feel like you want to give your energy to. Sexuality is something that I've always felt comfortable talking about. It's something that I've just gravitated towards with friends. I was always that person telling my friends, they were sexy.

I just decided to start a podcast one day and from there I realized how much I not only enjoyed having these conversations with women, but how much the conversations were needed. This pattern came up where I be talking to women and we would often talk about, you know, just, uh, our experience being a sexual woman or what we were taught about sex. It always started with sex and so often the conversation led to these, all these different women saying, well, I don't really feel sexy or I didn't feel sexy. And it turned into this conversation of whether or not they felt sexy as they were just as they were right then right there right now. And I realized, wow, this, this is something women need, women need to feel sexy in their own skin. So that's kind of when everything just clicked for me.  I was like, this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to help women feel sexier in their own skin, help them love themselves. And I've been committed to that ever since. And that is just what sets my soul on fire. And it's been amazing. I've gotten to connect with so many women like, like you, like, I wouldn't have met you if I didn't follow that, that fire. That's kinda how I got to where I am today.

Kendall: I think what I love about what you said is being able to just align with your purpose, do the work and figure out what the do you want to give your energy to? Because the way that we show up as individuals, the way that we live in like shine, our light confidently is, has to be aligned with our purpose. And when you can lean into that and you can truly listen to those intuitive pains in that call, you're going to find your purpose. Ff course, like all those things are so aligned for you that natural, like, okay, you are a natural sexual woman, human being lean into that honor that embrace that.

I was just looking at that journey for so many women, as, as you know, you and I have talked about this a lot. We have this conversation where it's like, okay, let's talk about how do you have a better sex life. If you want a better sex life, you got to feel in your own skin. So I love that. That's your journey. And that's how you shine the light because it's so needed and so important. So let's talk about that. How does helping, um, women feel sexy connect with helping them feel more confident? Oh man.

Kelcy: I just launched a group coaching program and called self-love sessions and I've had a number of people reach out and ask, okay, you're all about helping women find their sexy, your business is find your sexy. Why do you have a group coaching group coaching program called self love sessions dedicated to self-love? And the answer's pretty simple in there. The reason why is because self-love is the foundation upon which everything else is built. And yes, it is my goal. I want you, I want all women to feel as sexy as they possibly can in their own skin, but it's not possible in the less we do the work to really achieve self love first. So that's things like looking at your mindset, like what have we been taught about the word sexy?

What have we been taught about what a sexy woman is? What does she look like? What does she act like? Right. And kind of reframing our mindset, really learning to love and accept our bodies. Right? Body images is huge. That's something that I know I struggled with a lot during my teenage years, I always felt like I had to look a certain way in order to be seen as a, as a sexy woman, as I got older. So really kind of learning to appreciate yourself for who you are. I mentioned before, breaking out of the boxes that we've been put in, sometimes it's boxes that society puts us in, so they can better understand us and feel more comfortable with what to expect from us. I think oftentimes it's also boxes that we put ourselves into and maybe not intentionally, but it happens a lot and really becoming aware of those boxes and allowing ourselves to break free from them and take the power back and realize that we get to label ourselves or not label ourselves however we want. All that work has to be done to really reach that level of confidence that I think most human beings, especially women seek, you know, to be able to walk out of your house in whatever you're wearing, or maybe the outfit that makes you feel the most like yourself and just walk through life, knowing that, you know yourself, you're connected to who you are, what you believe in, what you value, what satisfies and brings you joy and lights you up. And that's all that matters. And I feel like everything else that we want in life, right? Like a career that we're passionate about a partner that we feel truly connected with whatever the right things for us will fall into place. Those will come once we're aligned with who we really are, which is all that self-love and sexy work that will lead to us being as confident as we possibly can.

Kendall:That's so true. And so much of it comes back to self-love. So let's kind of break down some of these different pieces. So let's look at this idea of mindset. So what was your journey to really a like, become aware of what your mindset was initially and what was that journey to overcome that, to start to look at your perspective of sexy today? Really?

Kelcy: I think it all started for me when I struggled with an eating disorder when I was 13 years old and it came from a place looking back and, you know, being more educated now at the time of feeling like my body needed to look a certain way in order for me to be desirable two boys, right. As a 13 year old girl. And at that time, no one was talking about self-love and you know, not that I'm, I mean, I turned 30 this year. It's not, I'm not even that old, this wasn't that long ago, but you know, at that time, like mental health wasn't even talked about that openly and freely. And I really, really didn't understand what the deeper issues were. I sort of got better, you know, with the help of my family who loved and cared about me, but that the reasons why were never addressed so years later, that eating disorder came up, it showed back up in my life in a different way. I still had disordered eating, but it was just in a different way. And at this point, you know, this, this was right around the same time of my journey when I was starting to realize that I didn't want to be in the film industry anymore. And I, I started feeling like, who am I like, what am I doing with my life? And that is when I started to really explore self love practices and try to figure out who I was.

I mean, mindset is everything. And it's literally one of my favorite things about coaching is working on mindset. I think it's one of the most powerful things that coaching can be used for. Um, you know, because it's, it's flexible, like our mindset. Isn't something that has to stay that way just because we were taught certain things or raised a certain way. Of course, we're all going to have preconceived notions and a certain mindset based on what our past experiences are, but that's the beauty as we grow and change, we get to choose to change our mindset. Once you figure out how to, and you decide to take that power into your own hands, I mean, it is like the most powerful weapon in the world. I feel like, like taking that change your mindset, like you can do anything.

Kendall: I love how your journey so beautifully interweaves the idea of mindset and body image together. And I think that that is a really powerful piece to anchor in where how we're being able to connect with body imaging and loving your physical body, just the way it is, is a really powerful piece. What are some of the things that you do, either with your one-on-one coaching clients or in your group coaching program to really anchor in some of those self-love practices, what are some of those things that you like to do?

Kelcy: One of the most powerful exercises I was part of during a group coaching program that I love to do with people now, this doesn't really come from a place of self-love, but, but I like to start it off with everyone going around and saying one thing that they love about, we'll take turns and go through each woman in the group. One thing that they love about them after the first day of meeting them, even if it's virtually. I feel like that, I mean, there's nothing like getting a genuine compliment from somebody to just shift energy, especially when it's in a like group of women. There's something about like a supportive group of women that is just so powerful and can give people like just this extra confidence until they figure it out. You know? Um, so that's one of my favorite things that I love to do to start off with. Of course we do a lot of, a lot of mindset work about, you know, what have we learned about sexy? Like I mentioned before, retraining our brain. I like for my clients to do mirror work, you know, to look in the mirror and a lot of this, you know, can be, I love, I love mirror work because it can be used for, you know, X, anything external or internal. It's great for body image exercises, like really looking at yourself in the mirror and paying attention to different parts of your body and saying that you appreciate it, like looking at the parts in your body of your body, in the mirror that, you know, maybe you feel insecure about, or you struggled with and telling your body out loud that, you know, you appreciate everything it's done for you. Thank you so much. Like my, but thank you so much for allowing me to comfortably sit, thank you so much. You know, I don't know why that's the one that came to my mind,

Kendall: I think those daily habits, those little things that we can do are the things that absolutely amplify and become part of our natural essence and that energy that we bring forth into the world. And so, um, visualization is such a powerful way to be able to do that.

I love that you can walk the walk and talk the talk, because I think, you know, that is so much of this work around sexuality and confidence is we have to be able to be in integrity with ourselves. And, you know, I think there's a lot of people that can walk through life and maybe try to put on the confidence on the outside, but there's, there's something that we feel when that's not authentic. That's definitely something that I do a lot of work with when we look at energy is like, okay, what are those energetic ripples that we're sending out onto the planet? And is it the impact?  Is it going to have the impact that you want it to? Cause you can have great intentions of being super confident and sexy and look good and feel good and all the things, but when we're not doing the work, if we're not actually in that integrity well, then the impact is that people are going to feel that. The work that you do creates a really cool, safe space for people to actually do that work and say, Hey, I want to make sure that I actually do feel confident and I'm not just saying it.

Kelcy: I love how you said, um, you use the word authentic and I, I think that that's so important too, to really figure out who you are and really be authentically you, you know, I, I do, I do think that there is a time and a place for faking it till you make it. I know that that's controversial for me to say, because some people really disagree with that, but, you know, we all have off days and there are some days where I'm not feeling my normal level of confidence and I do kind of fake it till I make it. But like you said, it, that will be obvious to the people who know me because I'm not being my most authentic self in those moments. Right. But sometimes it's those moments it's knowing, okay. If I put on a certain outfit, if I do these certain things that I know, like are my good go-to shoes that really hyped me up and I kind of fake it till I make it through the day, I will get back to my authentic self and my authentic, you know, confidence will eventually shine through. Right. So I love that you used that word because I think that's key.

Kendall: I think it's also giving yourself the grace to know that you are human. Like it doesn't always have to be rainbows and butterflies and sunshine and unicorns because, you know, there's a time where we can show up confidently, authentically. We may be in a little bit of that space of like, yeah, I'm not quite 110%, but that's still authentically you even in that moment. And so I think that when we can honor that space of like, Ooh, okay, here's my vibe. All right. What do I need to do? How do I want to feel if I want to feel more elevated, if I want to feel more confident, more uplifted, what are the things that I do?

Kelcy: That's where mindset comes into. It's like, if you believe, if you believe in your heart, like I'm not going to be able to pull off this black lipstick, then you're going to carry yourself throughout your day with the energy of, I'm not pulling off this black lipstick. But if you put that on in, you're like I'm a rocking this black lipstick. Like no one else has rocked to this black lipstick, then that's going to shine through. And that's again, just like we're a mindset is just so powerful.

Kendall: I love how you walk through your acronym for sexy. So will you walk us through that? And as you did for me, will you break down which each of those things stands for, for you personally?

Kelcy: SEXY acronym is something I created when I started my podcast and like, you know, I ask every guest, we walked through the sexy acronym and I asked them these questions. There are four areas that I believe you really need to get in touch with and get clear on in order to truly feel the sexiest you can in your skin. So the first part is the S which is satisfy. And some of the questions that you can ask yourself and that I ask the women I work with are no, what brings you joy? What satisfies you? And we can take this a step further to like, you know, you can look at what satisfies you sexually as well. If we, if we need to do work there, um, just what lights you up when you get out of bed. And this can be like something so little, or even on a larger scale, right? 

And we move on to E which is ego. And I've kind of made this into a tube. A two-parter I always start by asking, what is your relationship like with your self-esteem and your self-worth? And it's so important when we're walking through the sexy acronym, to be really honest with yourself, without any judgment, like no judgment allowed when we're talking about our sexy, like we, but we need to be brutally honest with ourselves if we really want to get to a better place than where we are now.

Then the next part of sexy would be the X, which is external opinions. And the questions to ask yourself here are how often, or how much do I care? What other people think or say about me now, we're all human. And, you know, we're all going to care whether you want to, or not to certain degrees or, you know, for some of us, we might really care about what certain people think like our loved ones and have no problem not caring about, you know, just random people that we meet throughout life. Um, but really the main question is, do we let it affect us?

And then the last part is yearn. This is, um, such a fun one, I think, to really explore. And it's pretty much just that, like, what are you yearning for? What is next for you? What are you just really excited about in your future right now? And you know, the, sky's the limit here, like do not hold back, like dream as big as you want, do not hold yourself back and to really let yourself get excited. I think it's important to know that it's possible.

Kendall: Well, one question, so Soul Saturations is all about deeply connecting with soul centered sexuality and sensuality. So what does soul centered sexuality mean to you?

Kelcy: I feel like to me, soul centered sexuality is really being able to express myself fully without any limitations.

During today's episode we talk about:

  • What was the journey that lead Kelcy to start Find Your Sexy?
  • Why is self love the foundation to women feeling comfortable in their own skin?
  • How does mindset play a role in in self love and confidence? 
  • What has Kelcy's journey been with self love? 
  • What are some of the the self love practices Kelcy practices for herself and her clients?
  • What does S.E.X.Y. stand for? 

Memorable Moments:

  • "...self-love is the foundation upon which everything else is built" - Kelcy
  • "I want all women to feel as sexy as they possibly can in their own skin, but it's not possible unless we do the work to really achieve self love first." - Kelcy
  • "That's all that matters. And I feel like everything else that we want in life, right? Like a career that we're passionate about a partner that we feel truly connected with whatever the right things for us will fall into place. Those will come once we're aligned with who we really are, which is all that self-love and sexy work that will lead to us being as confident as we possibly can." - Kelcy
  • "mindset is everything. And it's literally one of my favorite things about coaching is working on mindset. I think it's one of the most powerful things that coaching can be used for." -Kelcy
  • "Once you figure out how to, and you decide to take that power into your own hands, I mean, it is like the most powerful weapon in the world. I feel like, like taking that change your mindset, like you can do anything. And I just think that it is something that needs to be so valued." -Kelcy

Connect with Kelcy:

In light, in love, and in gratitude, K

 

If you loved this episode I’d deeply appreciate you subscribing and leaving a 5 star review and please share this with someone who will resonate with this episode today!
 
Find out more on my website: www.soulsaturations.com

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